I can tell you when it happened, when i’d began thinking that gray areas, like thin ice, were fine to thread on.
Consul-fucking-tative friendship, this is what you call it.
i wonder if you see how disgusting this is, the values or morals it was built on – non-existent.
I can tell you what it triggered: a rude awakening.
I am not the same since then. here i am, thinking: a person who met me in February wouldn’t quite recognise the present me.
Change when you sparked something within – no, not in a good way, because this is anger, this is dirt, this is ugly, this is unnecessary emotional baggage.
Then at the end of journeying through Europe, another transformation:
I learnt to appreciate my worth, my own company, respect my wants and un-wants.
I became a stronger person, immune to your words that reduce.
But i became daring as well, in exploring ideas of interaction with people. Their ways, more fluid. More liberal, less restraint. But this is not safe, playing with fire. You were like… sparklers. A taster. And this is an advancement, to be going so close to something untamed – with the very possibility it might get out of control. Perhaps as in another society or a community that was more open – or that my identity wasn’t glued to me from birth, I had the choice to do as it will, without limits.
Consultation over, you taught me what i had to learn, so,
thank you for your consul(fucking)tative transaction.