Rude awakening

It’s been awhile since i last logged an entry.

68 days went by in a whim, a little too fast for the awakening from a delightful dream. Being whisked away into a voyage around Europe has been – the best reality ever, if not the best dream i’d never want to wake up from.

All the people i met have been so kind and warm, generous, and inspiring, even.

But now – it feels like one life’s ended, the credits are all rolled out, and it is time to sober up. That means, to be serious in searching for work, to live up to life’s expectations, to learn how to nourish myself as a self-sustaining tree against runs of storms, and to be strong enough to keep myself grounded to reality in times of chaos and madness.

This is the period where one transits from waking up of a slumber into adapting quickly to be alert to one’s surroundings. I am fearful.

I know what i want – but before i sink in a slump of withdrawal, i must try to keep myself together.

Today marks the end of running away from one of the unnerving thoughts, you.
For a long time i have avoided this confrontation, but the limbo is no more, i don’t want to waltz so cluelessly in. if you do not reply, i cannot explain. but even if you do, it would be pointless for me to explain to you.

Only in their dreams can men be truly free. ‘Twas always thus, and always thus will be.
― Tom Schulman, Dead Poets Society


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