Nv(m)

Nevermind a country so advanced – wherever you are – there will always be this inferiority of females to males. Most apparent at home: how can such a reality not sink in if it’s practically screaming in your face, that you can, and will, never be enough? a lesser being, simply because of your gender – something you never had a say in, to begin with. Just like you couldn’t state your stand on wanting to be brought into, and brought up in, a world like this.

A slip of tongue, there have been times when dad called me “boy” – when i assisted him in his ‘projects’ around the house, however minute a role it was. Maybe it was disappointment when he looked down to reach for the screwdriver, or mullet, or the light – only to see that it was a girl stripped of identity and one of the disappointments in his life.

“Pig”, does a life as such bring you back to the FuJian province that your ancestors were brought up in?

Anything, but positivity, in the words to convey how minute and “useless” or “hopeless” a life form we are – the weight such words carry, a juxtaposition to how free and lightly they flowed. Yet another irony: it were as if our fates were sealed that we were bound to be dead for the rest of our lives, in which ‘life’ would usually have been a universal language for hope.

Some things that happened are truly unexplainable, and so it seems best to simply write it off as fate. with that, i nonetheless look forward to the day there might be some sort of enlightenment from 21 years of pounding and grinding and burying beyond six feet under’s worth of demeaning meanings.

Nv, Nü / 女 / fe•male : a woman or a girl

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