#FTOTD 08

  1. Free days make me feel like I’m stagnating, and school days feel as if I’ve been hurled into a whirligig rat race that never ends. On some days the breathing pants heavy, the breaths a little less, and anxiety almost surrenders the heart to insanity.
  2. The past week has been a mad week of going out and meeting people – but to be fair i made the most out of all the alone times i could stow away, or at least i try to.
  3. Finishing a book, starting on another – to fill up all the free time when there isn’t school or work. Not the best thing, really: i think of all the hours that could go to working and earning some amount to save up for future travels which would feel more deserved.
  4. But it was so nice spending time with The Muskerpigs, whose company i have missed since February – that’s a good six months, and although we were perpetually moving from one place to another it felt like the good old times.
  5. Attending a party yesterday; birthdays are indeed a strange thing. It is nice to witness the milestone – to be there for dear ones. Is comparison, however, inevitable? Because it often accentuates the achievements of others and then juxtaposes to how minute yours were. sometimes – it ends up a needle that *accidentally* stabs your being. (even if you love them alot)
  6. Every one seems to know which direction they are heading towards after uni. And myself – life… seems like a standstill. Two weeks ago i was so certain what I’d be doing. right now – i find myself lost, again.
  7. Talking to Tshewang and learning more about Bhutan – while reading Kinley Dorji’s Within the Realm of Happiness – drives me curiouser and curiouser. A bit of fascination, wonderment, and questioning the self on what sort of a life would i want to be living in the future. Would it be happier to live in simplicity, or to never settle for less: expect, strive and pursue?
  8. My answer to this question is indirect: i have only figured that i don’t want a life with many people, i just want one that allows me to continue on as a being.
  9. At random, memories of people resurface. I look at them – these friendships, retrospectively. As distant a memory as these friendships are, far from what they were in the future. and i can’t help but to feel apologetic that this drifting apart was mine to fault – couldn’t i have been a better friend, or a better confidant, or an adequately understanding person. Somewhere along the timeline, people stop opening up – although i prithee would, because it frightens me that things have changed. But then again, it’s not like their lives have to stop for the sake of one’s self-centeredness. if they have moved on and drifting apart was but a fragment of the process, i thank you for the memories that were shared.
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