- Free days make me feel like I’m stagnating, and school days feel as if I’ve been hurled into a whirligig rat race that never ends. On some days the breathing pants heavy, the breaths a little less, and anxiety almost surrenders the heart to insanity.
- The past week has been a mad week of going out and meeting people – but to be fair i made the most out of all the alone times i could stow away, or at least i try to.
- Finishing a book, starting on another – to fill up all the free time when there isn’t school or work. Not the best thing, really: i think of all the hours that could go to working and earning some amount to save up for future travels which would feel more deserved.
- But it was so nice spending time with The Muskerpigs, whose company i have missed since February – that’s a good six months, and although we were perpetually moving from one place to another it felt like the good old times.
- Attending a party yesterday; birthdays are indeed a strange thing. It is nice to witness the milestone – to be there for dear ones. Is comparison, however, inevitable? Because it often accentuates the achievements of others and then juxtaposes to how minute yours were. sometimes – it ends up a needle that *accidentally* stabs your being. (even if you love them alot)
- Every one seems to know which direction they are heading towards after uni. And myself – life… seems like a standstill. Two weeks ago i was so certain what I’d be doing. right now – i find myself lost, again.
- Talking to Tshewang and learning more about Bhutan – while reading Kinley Dorji’s Within the Realm of Happiness – drives me curiouser and curiouser. A bit of fascination, wonderment, and questioning the self on what sort of a life would i want to be living in the future. Would it be happier to live in simplicity, or to never settle for less: expect, strive and pursue?
- My answer to this question is indirect: i have only figured that i don’t want a life with many people, i just want one that allows me to continue on as a being.
- At random, memories of people resurface. I look at them – these friendships, retrospectively. As distant a memory as these friendships are, far from what they were in the future. and i can’t help but to feel apologetic that this drifting apart was mine to fault – couldn’t i have been a better friend, or a better confidant, or an adequately understanding person. Somewhere along the timeline, people stop opening up – although i prithee would, because it frightens me that things have changed. But then again, it’s not like their lives have to stop for the sake of one’s self-centeredness. if they have moved on and drifting apart was but a fragment of the process, i thank you for the memories that were shared.