lost count of fleeting thoughts and these days i find myself to be in quite a rut:
no motivation to be awake, to pack, to draw. or any sort of inspiration.
like a barren land, and all other possible lifeforms have unexplainably died or dried out, with naught in sight. if you were walking through my mind, you wouldn’t be able to find all the watered rice terraces that used to lining the mind months ago, for they have been tucked away. ha, that sounds like lush landscapes were so last season.
but how is it possible for the heart to be inundated, when there hasn’t any water to drain the drought?
of late, i have been skimming through my sketching album on social media; it is strange how i find some of the pieces unbelievable, that they were my conception and creation. shouldn’t we be moving forward, improving – why does it seem like a great deal of the pieces in the past are nicer than the ones i create these days? it saddens me that even my art is not within my control – it has never been, anyway, whether it was on a roll or not.
nothing as smothering as being cooped up at home in the last three weeks of the holiday after a pretty darn exhausting three weeks of internship, more so to be forced to wake up early to ongoing renovations in the house. goodbye for now, dreams.
if drawing does not provide the escape i so need, what does? reading a couple of good books and drilling in to some movies that dig deeper in the labyrinth of thoughts. even if you keep going out, you are bounded to the monotony of routines. you will run out of places to trail. i don’t want to always be circling the same path in this little country, because i think of all that footsteps, all the time that could make everything so different an experience in another country, one that satisfies the mind’s craving for unbridled adventures and to be within the presence of untamed nature.
on Sunday, i found myself walking the familiar path of the CBD again. there are few places in this country that i really like, and this route was a constant. through the Old Parliament, the Merlion Park, the Jubilee Bridge, to the Esplanade, and the quaint little nest of a library, the sky terrace, and the Floating Platform route, to crossing the Helix Bridge. thinking of which, i have never completely done this route alone. perhaps i should, one day. Sunday was still pretty special though, like one of the scenes straight out of Before Sunrise, a re-enactment in local context. i liked that, though, because it momentarily scoops you out of reality and the non-exhaustive list of worries. it could be what we think it to be, a dream, even.
Among the new movies watched recently were Ruben’s recommendation of Certified Copy (2010) and Like Someone in Love (2012); then i caught Into the Wild (2007) yesterday. One thing these movies have in common is that they are all thought-provoking, although Into the Wild was painfully depressing yet easier to digest than the aforementioned two.
There is too much to reflect on and clearing all the thoughts up would take up a substantial amount of time – i will be sure to update the FTOTDs if i manage to catch any of them. For now, i guess i might throw in a couple of poems or lyrics that would lift the spirits or ease the mood in an archive of monotonous routines and sadness, with hopes that i might chance upon the solution that sheds light and warmth rather than combusts unforgivingly.
So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future.
– Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild