Breaking the frame of fear

The ‘me’ one year ago would’ve thought that I had to wear the Fitbit because it was my lucky charm, and so I wore it almost everyday for as long as i could remember.

The same ‘me’ would’ve thought that Friday the 13th was certainly inauspicious, that a rainy day was an ominous sign.

Woke up to the amplified anxiety from over-sleeping: momentarily forgot about last night’s opportunity presented in my face, all almost like a dream; and then rushed a matured thought that didn’t seem to bother me yesterday evening, about having missed out on two very key words in an essay that I was almost satisfied with. And then today I felt like I’ve lost control of myself – the determination, the drive, and motivation.

This morning – in the wee hours, I couldn’t sleep. All that was running through my mind was a regret – another could-have-been, and what I could visualize. India, India, and traveling, and exploring. All the possibilities.
The darkness in the night was simply a setting for a graveyard of hopes and dreams that have been laid to rest, whose tombstones I graze my fingers as I idly drifted through.

Exams, this thing – I have given up on not one, but two opportunities for you.

Papers done: 2
Times I have broken down: 2
And I have given you all; the only thing I leave myself is the reminder that I will be okay, I will be okay.

I knew who I was this morning, but I’ve changed a few times since then.


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