It struck me hard that due to the time constraints of exams taking up most of my time in May, i might not even be a potential candidate to qualify for The Travel Intern.
It leaves me torn, between having studies (what should, and is to, be done) and the dream opportunity. I am determined to see my drawings become a reality, because a lot of its influences come from reality. But then again, a lot of it is influenced by the ideals i try hard to hold on to, too. I am not ready to give up this internship, nor am i ready to let go of academics. That leaves me stranded.
Well, i found my inspiration in the shower. The oddest place – not quite, since the shower is a space for peace and winding down. But all there was to summon was a chant, saying,
” You’re running out of time. You need to get yourself sorted. Lost as you are, i have total faith in everything you do. You are going to get yourself through and you know you are more. I am, I am, I am. ”
Worrying is such a draining thing, as with being so hopeless. Time to pick myself up, though. Moping isn’t gonna help.
In the mean time, I can’t emphasise how much i miss Eli. the thought of her embarking on a road trip, spending her 21st in Albany, and stuff. It breaks my heart how i can’t be there with her on a day so important. more importantly i miss the company – but there is this worry of letting go: as we grow older, i can’t help but to fathom – what happens if there comes a day that we drift apart, or fail to communicate, or if we go our separate, diverging, adjacent paths? I cannot help but fear, seeing the struggles so real.
Life, i miss long conversations and visualising the future.