Smashing saucers

I don’t know what I am doing anymore.

As i dig deeper into The Bell Jar, I find my heart inevitably crushing, wrenched to the rhythm and songs off the recurring playlist.

The plot unfolds – i fear i might identify so much in her being. Alternating between the story while on the go, and for the sake of facing (sur-)realities; renders me lost tonight.

Sometimes I jumble my feelings up, clouded by confusion. As these componding feelings start to overwhelm, I find myself juggling them: secretly hoping time would stop, so that there would be no weight, anxiety, nor heart skipping a beat, even if it were just for a split-second of relief.

The silence depressed me. It wasn’t the silence of silence. It was my own silence.


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