I find it difficult to believe it is already November; the 11th month since the year started, and already the 2nd last. It is both thrilling, and scary, to watch time breeze through at a speed so fast we can never catch up.
Turning the lock to the door that leads to the realm of adulthood is only about four months away — and once again i am afraid. How is one supposed to turn 21, without even figuring the 20th year on Planet Earth out? It must be a great, slow torture for one to have so many knots tangled in the mind, without knowing where to start, or being able to track their trails in forest. Sometimes, it is lasting and frightening, as with the accidental tragedy of stepping on legos. Those tiny blocks sure have some sorcery going on, being able to instill such terror and inflict such pain despite being so minute.
Pardon me for digressing. As more friends take another step into a world of independence, these thoughts have certainly been tugging on the train of thoughts a tad more often recently. Some throw birthday bashes and jump onto the bandwagon of a faux prima facie of overly hyped glamour and whatnots; others keep it low, and some choose to travel with their buddies.
As for myself —? It would be an intense time filled with prelims, and the almost-exam period. Right now, right here, I ask myself: If I could be anywhere in the world, where would I expect to find myself? There’s no country in particular. I found myself tracing the words ‘here, home’ on my lips a couple of times. At the same time, not. I can visualize, in my mind, the closeness of nature that I crave a little too obsessively for. Trees with needle-like leaves, a lake of turquoise blue, and mountains across in my view. Perhaps on a journey like Cheryl Strayed, or a lifestyle from Walden. There’s so many places I want to be, yet so much limits to exercise. I see myself on a journey, but it seems like I am alone; or rather, in the company of solitude to seek peace and friendship with quaintness.
I’d choose the outdoors to being cooped in this country any day, but for now — I just want to save up, be an almost Scrooge… to seek fulfilment from the next journey I embark on.
— 2016, where are we headed to?
No longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise / The youthful boy below who turned your way and saw / Something he was not looking for: both a beginning and an end