All these words, phrases, and sentences: What do they really mean, at the end of the day?
On a lazy Sunday afternoon, nobody should be this bummed/down/overcast.
But I find myself once again falling back into this ‘dreams are better than reality’ sinkhole. Maybe because I couldn’t wake up from this morning’s dream. It was intense, but at least there was comfort. In it I was only dealing with one problem a time, and then there was a safe haven – distance didn’t matter.
Dreams, they’re a parallel to the present reality; and it would very much be ideal to have them converge, but it seems like it would take awhile before their paths would cross, if ever again.
So here I am, thinking things through as I pen these thoughts down. Everytime I close my eyes, the tears come charging through. I open them just before they flow, as a river would.
I am trapped. Within, and it seems as if once again, I find myself burning on so much negativity that’s choking, and suffocating. “Get out!”, my mind coughs. To take flight, and flee, seek refuge on safe grounds and sanctuaries. But where to? Pillars removed one by one, walls collapsing, and caves caving in.
Am i really empty?
On a global scale, the news is tormenting to see through. Bill Gilman’s song “One Voice” seems to be a rather accurate depiction of the present and the future of the world. It is now 15 years after its creation, but hell yes, it is spot on. “Mom won’t watch the news at night / there’s too much stuff that’s making her cry” I see mayhem and chaos spelling out in 30 minutes of noise.
Within Singapore, the politicians all fighting for power and money are just firing shots at one another. It is ugly to see that name-calling, condemning, and rage is exchanged. Nonsensical opposition candidates, pretty faces, and NATO (No Action Talk Only) – I fear that these people are voted in. Imagine how the country, after 50 years of nation building, falls apart if half of them make it in and gets a seat. For five damn years they will warm the seats of the parliament house and eat the taxpayers’ money – we are going to fall behind in the country’s development. Now, I am not saying that the present ruling majority is fantastic, but they are working on things, one by one. Slow and steady over stagnating. If i had a choice to command the actions, I would just want some peace and quiet: and shut the hell up with the rallies, empty promises and words, and this hate that is brewing among various parties. I would prefer that quiet rather than hearing nonsense after nonsense and action plans that are half as feasible as the Community problem solving (CmPS) ones, for real.
And the externally – the full picture: there is unrest in Malaysia, external threats to deal with in Thailand, Syria, bloody ISIS, the China market, and US, and this list can go on forever. But hearing all this is awfully unsettling – sometimes I hope that a freaking zombie apocalypse would just happen, like, already. Because it looks like we’re on our way to self-destruction but along with it we are taking Mother Earth and nature and killing all the other innocent beings.
For shit’s sake, can we humans stop being so damn self-obsessed and self-centered already? It’s so damn sickening.
And yes, this is why i would rather be in the company of solitude and nature rather than get too involved with people; Might just find a bodhi tree to sit under soon.