What if the chance you give yourself…

is at the expense of others? My dilemma is derived from our unusually common hang outs that has been going on for weeks now; dinner, then supper for two consecutive weeks, and tomorrow, dinner. I am seeing you way too much, and for weeks you have been a topic that I am growing increasingly concerned (perhaps fond even) of, evidently alarmed in the conversations with my life advisors. Thoughtcatalog’s “12 signs of….” is incredibly disturbing to me – because in it i identify many similarities to your actions. I am afraid. Five years of friendship that we shared, and five years of you having feelings for me. I don’t know if in the future I would be able to reciprocate; but i’ll be honest – for now, no. I don’t see a need for a relationship, or a commitment as such.

As much as having a companion is enjoyable and enlightening, even, I cannot fathom us being together, or lasting. Perhaps in the future to settle down – a family. Furthermore, the stakes are high. If we do not work out, we lose everything. A close friend, the potentials in it, and hopes burning down, blazed. I would be a disappointment.

Right now, i am increasingly aware of your growing interest in me. Am i worthy of your investments? I cannot answer that question. As for myself, i see the risk i am taking as we see each other more these days. I am igniting greater sparks, roping you in further… into what could be a black hole of nothing. The time we spend with each other and those deep conversations: I am figuring out where this could lead to, or rather… where you belong in my life. A phase, a friend, a close friend, or more than friends. Things get more absurd than it already is: I realise that I enjoy your company, the long car rides, the night walk by the beach. But what sort of fondness is it – I have yet to comprehend. The stakes: this friendship on the line, if you get the wrong signals and feel cheated that I lead you on.

Can a platonic friendship be as such???

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s