is at the expense of others? My dilemma is derived from our unusually common hang outs that has been going on for weeks now; dinner, then supper for two consecutive weeks, and tomorrow, dinner. I am seeing you way too much, and for weeks you have been a topic that I am growing increasingly concerned (perhaps fond even) of, evidently alarmed in the conversations with my life advisors. Thoughtcatalog’s “12 signs of….” is incredibly disturbing to me – because in it i identify many similarities to your actions. I am afraid. Five years of friendship that we shared, and five years of you having feelings for me. I don’t know if in the future I would be able to reciprocate; but i’ll be honest – for now, no. I don’t see a need for a relationship, or a commitment as such.
As much as having a companion is enjoyable and enlightening, even, I cannot fathom us being together, or lasting. Perhaps in the future to settle down – a family. Furthermore, the stakes are high. If we do not work out, we lose everything. A close friend, the potentials in it, and hopes burning down, blazed. I would be a disappointment.
Right now, i am increasingly aware of your growing interest in me. Am i worthy of your investments? I cannot answer that question. As for myself, i see the risk i am taking as we see each other more these days. I am igniting greater sparks, roping you in further… into what could be a black hole of nothing. The time we spend with each other and those deep conversations: I am figuring out where this could lead to, or rather… where you belong in my life. A phase, a friend, a close friend, or more than friends. Things get more absurd than it already is: I realise that I enjoy your company, the long car rides, the night walk by the beach. But what sort of fondness is it – I have yet to comprehend. The stakes: this friendship on the line, if you get the wrong signals and feel cheated that I lead you on.
Can a platonic friendship be as such???