Pacing back and forth,

They’ll think me weird, but in having an internal debate, I see things clearer. Perhaps it is a figment of think-shapes, as deviant as it were in The Chrysalids. Today I talked to Monnster and there were a few times when I started trailing off – and he had to remind me: “You’re talking to yourself again,” so that I would come back to the topic we were on and carry on with our “updates” on life. It is almost three weeks since we last met, but quite a bit has happened. While we were in the midst of an intense discussion, I had my thought cleared. Sometimes the mirror of who you once were reflects on your present self, and it comes from the word of those who have knew you then and up till now. 12 years is a long time, more than half my life on earth. Monnster has seen me grow the most, through countless hardships. And yet, he was the one who could be my pair of eyes in a situation I was muddled up in. In this conversation we shared, he pointed out a couple of parasites and their parasitical instincts. I’ve never been supportive of him being your friend, and him being close to you. He was toxic for you then, and he is toxic for you now. Spending time with someone whom you know does not trust you yet attempts to hang out with you makes them pretentious persons. So what good would you get out from a ‘friendship’ as such?

Oh best friend, best friend, best friend. You know me terribly well. Your words now echo in my thoughts and cleared the layers of cumulo-nimbus it was previously clouded by. Over a bottle of cold brew, good food, and happy food, I’d say it’s food for the body and food for the mind that’s been broken down and digested this afternoon.

Are you actually hearing your thoughts out when you speak to yourself?


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