Turn, turn, turn

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

Yet another week riding on the roller coaster of emotions, what’s new? There’s just too much to handle, too many events that keep interfering before I can even start studying, let alone get past the cover page of those study guides.

Two weeks before my best friend leaves and a thing like that happens, somebody, please tell me how I should react. To them it may be seemingly harmless, playful and in the name of fun. But why do people always wait for something bad to happen before they know when to stop, when it’s too late, when damage’s done? Think, think, think. Consequences to actions. But it is with the people whom I am closest to, those I wouldn’t question my safety if it were to be in their hands, and those I allow myself to be most vulnerable around. Wrecked, that’s what I am, if you need to know how I am coping. I am absolutely uncertain, that’s for sure. And for that horrific question that has been lurking in my mind for the longest time ever, I am fearful. Realities to face, idealistic idles to snap out of. What am I to do?

But there, there’s an expectation. Enough for me to go into a violent nose dive, head first. Into disappointment. In the tornado of emotions that’s riding on it, you’d meet confusion (heaps of it), anger, frustration, wreckages, and tears, terror, despair, too much thoughts, etcetera: ingredients to make you perfectly jaded. Enough to trigger, in all horror, a relapse.

So tell me, where do I go from here?


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