Awakening

When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small.  My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.

Following the earlier post from today, it brought me to an awakening, almost like a eureka moment. Only this time, I found that my resolutions has always been close to me, and it did not have to be something impressive or massive. Life-changing it is, but it felt normal; because subconsciously it has been something I’ve always yearned for. But some day you gotta stop the negativity that makes you feel worthless, or the self-imposed ones, just so people could feel better than you are. I guess this revelation can finally be something I practice, and preach – with effect from this year. Part and parcel of growing up, i guess you’ve gotta learn one day it is not healthy no matter how tempting it is to try to keep something alive when it’s already dead. From an aerial view, that means learning to let go. Learning to love yourself. Being well equipped for reality and society. And exercising discernment. Facing life, in a way. Dealing with it.
Perhaps I’ve forgotten to mention another of those things I’m thankful for – my friends. A smile and a friend to tell, that was all I wanted now. Immediately after constructing my thoughts into something sound, I couldn’t wait to share it with Kim, who was studying with me then – that’s me for you, barely being able to contain my excitement. I was ecstatic. If anything, these eight days into the new year was a reassurance and affirmation of the blessings I have been surrounded with – only way more amplified with the clarity of what’s truly good for me, and not.

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