Renewable

Maybe the action taken was a decision thought out by the subconscious, maybe it was deliberate. But it could’ve been simply because, you don’t have the time to give a hoot about it. I may allow feelings to drive the way I respond to situations, but I give alot of thought – in retrospect.
Commencing the 20th year on this planet, it better be worth it. Turning 20 seems scarier than a 21st, for it has many more firsts in it than a twenty-first holds in itself. How tiring it is to hold on to things that only brush on the surface, and have little or no meaning. Bleak as it sounds, it’s even more devastating when you find out how much of it plagues your life. Busy we are, but are these sort of errands, or baggage, worth it at the end of the day? Doubt so. In the midst of churning out a foolproof thought process that questions the importance of a relationship with every other being, nature, thing, or club of some sort. Because too many times there have been so much disappointment and it is sapping my energy, dry. But unlike light or heat, what lies within is not renewable. Even if it were, it would require a long time to regenerate and hence, not quite feasible and effective in a society so fast paced adrenaline runs in the blood. Has it ever occurred to you when you wake up one morning with some sort of revelation? When this happened, my mind is made – that I have no intention of staying in council, that I readied myself to cut contact with people who have little regard for you, and your worth. To begin with, humans are self-centered. But some are more self-centered than others. Their obstinate nature and unwillingness to compromise, their love for themselves outweighs everything, and myopia is terminal. But they do not retain much in a friendship; unless it is to their benefit. Compare yesterday’s dinner to having dinner with the green-card holding cousin who is back from NYC on Tuesday, there is a stark contrast. First and foremost, the connection and chemistry amongst people. Secondly, the subject matter of the conversation and where is it headed towards. Third, the amount of effort, and energy in having to hold the conversation. Fourth, the fulfillment. Not forgetting, how comfortable you are with the subject – and how excited you are to seeing them again. Is it for the sake of keeping in contact with them, or merely obligatory?

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