Don’t cry over spilled beans

This week has been pretty eventful. And hectic – no time for introspection at all, always on the go running from place to place, sometimes… there’s not even time for food – but I don’t get it, I still gained weight. *sigh*
Monday – 3 cups of coffee and fries
Tuesday – Starbucks and half a set dinner
Wednesday – pau and 2 salad servings, soup, and some other meat (some international buffet spread)
Thursday – tang hoon, Thai style hotpot and 2 rounds of soup
Friday – 2 hard boiled eggs, a kinder bueno, 2 cups of coffee, dinner at home
Saturday – some roller coaster, ruffles, 2 pcs of ovaltine biscuit, a ramen set, bubble tea, and some spoonfuls of ice cream. (But that was after a day under the sun)
Sunday – today.

all sunburnt. But finally, some time to ponder, to do some thinking, and reflect.

Monday was pretty hectic, visiting 3 cafes in a day then heading to school. Achievement much? Managed to leave a sketch down for one of ’em too :

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Tuesday was an attempt to study, but ended up Tinder-ing half the time. half accomplished, perhaps.

Wednesday. A day of lecture by Amos on Economics, leaving half the theatre essentially brain fried. Council Christmas was all glam and glitter, food and games and monthly general meeting. Didn’t really want to interact with people though, maybe I was just too tired. In a committee that nobody bothers to remember about, and is forgotten by the rest. Yet we try so hard to please everyone just to gain their acknowledgement – what are we doing it for?

Thursday was a nightmare. Perhaps the lack of sleep was really taking it’s toll on me, surviving on just 2-3 hours of sleep each day. Was trying so hard to just survive and not screw up, and minimize the chances of pissing Tim off, all of which were flushed down the drain when I ended up packing the beans wrongly. I wouldn’t say it was completely my fault because the truth is, I received the wrong information, someone having told me it is all stacked together. Agreeing to take on so many tasks, possibly more than what I could handle in the sleep-deprived state was shooting myself in the foot.  Sheer dumb luck as well. There was every reason to be frustrated at myself though, much annoyance stemming from the carelessness of not checking the beans before packing them, only to realize the mistake made after starting to seal up the packs of beans – worst, when were got the bags mixed. Trying so hard to cut down on the errors, yet failing at it was quite a big blow because I just crumbled under the tremendous pressure. Weak, utterly worthless, incredibly vulnerable and dispensable.. trash. Yes, thrashing my self mentally because I didn’t know which was more disappointing – not being reprimanded for my mistake (Tim thrashing me or Bobby scolding me, which I was completely prepared for) or that they were clearing the mess I made. Also, overwhelming guilt and anger welling up, all translating into heart-wrenching flows of tears because of the double work, being doubly inefficient, something I could not tolerate. Yet caused. Also, for being awfully irresponsible. Being given the trust in packing the beans because it was something I found quite therapeutic, and enjoyable, yet incapable of handling. What a letdown. Now guys, being nevitably worried and upset, along with sleep deprivation is a disastrous combination. If you ever encounter it, stay home and abandon all plans for the day.

Friday – one sponsorship deal down, a few others to work on. Tired as a description is understatement, because it is exhaustion I was dealing with. All I was trying to do was live each day at a time – and I’m glad I survived.

Saturday/Saturdate: truly amazing. Away from reality, from technology, and a good soak in fresh clean clear blue waters, plugging in to the boombox of nature whilst enjoying the melody of waves crashing on the shore and joyful conversations reminiscent of young naive and playful days with the gang. Immersing, while floating on 100% fresh sea salt water and unreclaimed sand was therapeutic, and Lazarus was sanctuary. An escape, a retreat, and exactly what I needed. Company from the clique who manages to meet up only once a year is truly precious, timeless, priceless and gold. Something I really cherish. Hoping that things wouldn’t change as we all age. But it seems like we’re all headed for different directions in life… and it really makes me wonder if these meets will grow to be less frequent… and perhaps stop one day. Tragic, if that were the case. Despite looking like a total mess, I felt pretty comfy with these bunch, who truly accepted me for who I was, and we went towards town looking all lup sup together. Old is gold, indeed. And so here’s a silhouette of us – where laughter is timeless.

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Truly blessed that the week ended with a bam, in the comfort of childhood buddies who are ever so adventurous and paradise.

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