N. / The end of life, the time when someone or something dies
In all vagueness. Listening to the ringing kling-klongs and everlasting chants of monks at the funerals held in the void deck is something we’ve grown attuned to with its passive presence a few feet away from the playground, or a busstop, or the nearby coffeeshop.
In our lives we might’ve (I am almost certain) lost someone we were acquainted with, or a loved one, even.
I once admitted to a group (of about 20 people) that I have harbored such thoughts (death/suicide etc) before, and they thought I was depressed. Dashit?! I would think it is perfectly normal in doing so – doesn’t it stir some sort of curiosity within, having questions behind the causes and effect of death? In one of the earlier posts I mentioned something about being perfectly sound to me if my life were to end in the midst of trekking or wandering through the world, and I stand firm to this statement. I can’t quite express why, but it seems somewhat comforting to me, contrary to people believing it to be painful and torturous.
What about being bed-ridden, of complete disability and lack of control, with needles inserted at every exposed surface, and the IV drip? As you hear your heart beeping slower by the minute. Drifting in and out of consciousness. Pain not just internally, but the immense heartbreak and heartache to the loved ones around you having to watch you slowly go, having to be in a waiting room, and everything else. Definitely not quite ideal, if you ask me.
Recently I noticed another of those light within slowly die out, the way a lightbulb flickers until it completely loses its glow. I have come to conclude that it is pointless to attempt to open up to strangers for it only opens more doors within to welcome greater self-pity and blindness, as well as a chance for people to take it all to be gibberish – hence deriving that you are, very possibly insane. Keep the conversations the way as majority are – a facade, superficial, and at the lowest level of understanding, exchanging pleasantries. What makes you think people would give a shit about you, when they’re probably too caught up in the hustle and bustle of their life? Hence, just keep it cool. They don’t matter now, and neither are they going to matter in through future.