Hanging

Been buried under piles of university applications the past month. It’s crazy, but it sure felt liberating finishing and submitting all of them on Wednesday. But… friends around me have been getting calls from the university the past few days to go down for an interview – but I haven’t received any. The anxiousness is growing within, and I am almost desperate to answer any call from them. Like a form of reassurance that, hey, even though my grades weren’t too good, there’s some potential they see in me. I am hoping for the best. But day by day, a little part of me feels as if the flames burning on a candle is blown out, and little by little, hope slips away. I know I shouldn’t be afraid, I shouldn’t lose my faith, and it’s not healthy. The chances of a relapse would increase, and thanks, but no thanks. I don’t want to go down and start all over again when I’ve just recovered. Submitting my documents one by one at the universities made me feel insecure. Vulnerable, because one submission more meant another possible rejection to face. People are going to judge, people are going to validate you. And as much as I didn’t like it, I don’t have a choice. One more person who can see my flaws and expose my weaknesses. But what they don’t see is that I am struggling. Hoping, hope to stay afloat. I know I’ll be thankful that I’ll be proceeding to further my education, and it’s a step closer to my dreams. Turning idealistic goals into reality. That’s what I must do. But every rejection means another step more tempted to just continue falling back into a pit hole.

So what do you reckon?

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